well, this has nothing to do with knitting

I’m picky when it comes to jeans. Well, not so much picky, as I have one criteria that must be fulfilled: they cannot be stretch. Not even a little. I hate stretch jeans, they fit me weird and they, well, they stretch out (surprisingly!). You have to buy a size smaller than you usually would to account for the stretch that will occur throughout the day. So when you put them on in the morning they are way too tight and you look trashy, but around the middle of the day they stretch out and fit you perfectly; too bad by the time you’re home they’re nearly falling off you. And so then you have to wash them again to get them back to their original tightness so the process can happen all over again – this is also a problem becuase I am a strong proponent of wearing jeans several days in a row (probably because I only own about three pairs, as I can’t find any more that aren’t stretch!).
Anyway, moving on, you’d think this wouldn’t be such a hard criteria to fill, as jeans have always been traditionally 100% cotton. But as of about two years ago it’s been next to impossible to find jeans that don’t have any amount of spandex in them. Apparently I am the only person in this world who has issues with stretch jeans - chances are you don't have any problems with them either and think I'm crazy....
The moral is I am putting an enormous amount of effort into keeping the few pairs that I have in one piece. Note:

As soon as I notice a thinned part of my jeans, I apply a patch. This particular pair is held together purely by these patches - seven of them total, they just couldn't all fit into the same shot at the same time.

But sometimes I don’t catch the problem soon enough and the jeans rip. A rip is different than
a hole. I can patch a hole, but a rip completely destroys a pair of jeans. Yes, I could sew them, but then I would have an odd, horribly obvious seam in some awkward place. And so my latest jean catastrophe resulted in:

No, there are not holes under all of these patches, I just thought it would be weird to have just two patches on my butt so I added a few more for moral support.

And one more picture of my jeans in action: